Bringing Compassion to Olympia's Jewish Community

Here is a report from Susan Partnow, who was recently invited to create a compassionate and safe space for the Jewish community in Olympia to hold a dialogue. In mid-July, the board of the Olympia Food Co-op, located in the capital of Washington State, decided that the co-op would join an international boycott of Israeli products. This decision provoked extremely passionate responses and exacerbated long-standing conflicts within the local Jewish community. Community members reached out to the Jewish Dialogue Group (JDG) for help in planning a dialogue session. Their goal was to bring together Jewish people with varied perspectives to share their reactions, learn about views different from their own, and reflect on the situation in a supportive, non-adversarial environment. JDG connected them with one of their associate, Susan Partnow, of The Compassionate Listening Project. The experience presents an example of a bringing a Compassionate response to Community. The local organizers put out the invitation and arranged for the session at Olympia’s synagogue; over 70 people attended. Locals said that from the first moment it was a miracle – that various people were even in the same room together – things had been so vitriolic… By the end, some of these ‘foes’ were in the same small circles and ended shaking hands, even exchanging emails…

After a brief welcome by the rabbi and the local organizers, we began with an exercise (from Public Conversations Project) called Step In -- standing in a circle, everyone was invited to “step in” to the circle when appropriate. This was a great way to start: questions began with a light tone (who was up before 6 am?), some evoking laughter… and then we moved to the deep painful parts (who has avoided discussion of this issue with their family?)… The circle was great way to start to help craft a container to hold all the pain…

Next we invited people to find a partner and work in dyads, with a spacious invitation for people to find someone they were comfortable with and reassuring them that they could opt out and just journal: it was wonderful to find that everyone partnered! We introduced one of Compassionate Listening’s basic and powerful exercises, where each person gets 3 minutes of uninterrupted speaking time, while their partner listens with full attention, heart to heart, yet in silence – listening for the deepest meaning and values – about ‘what are you yearning for from this dialogue.” It seemed to really be a turning point for those who arrived with barely a toe in to staying for this dialogue: by the end of taking turns, they felt their hearts open and felt safer and more relaxed… primed/softened for the dialogue to come…

We read, discussed and affirmed a set of Agreements (combination of Conversation Café and Public Conversation Project), setting the intention and commitment for dialogue, not debate. Then we broke into small circles of 4 to 6 people, by randomly counting off – to maximize the mixing of perspectives. For these circles, we used a modified Conversation Café methodology, using a “Hosting” not facilitator approach, where the hosts hosted lightly and were participants in the discussion… We had a wonderful group of 14 volunteer hosts (several of whom were recruited on the spot – we gave them a more detailed script) – most of whom participated in an orientation call the day before. The Olympia Community was especially moved, supported and appreciative that several volunteers came from out of town - Pt. Townsend and Olympia. They all did fine and the groups were fabulous – deep, intimate, holding it all… We provided three questions, holding three rounds with a talking object – and then time for open ended conversation.

The closing was wonderful: Rather than engage in report outs, which usually miss the juice and depth and heart of the conversations – and which can easily bring people back into their heads and into polarized argument over issues – we engaged people in a reflective and shared process. We invited participants to write on 4 separate cards (what are you left feeling; insights; deeper questions; actions you are ready to commit to) – and then asked them to post them on the walls in silence – walking around to read others’ contributions. It was extremely moving to read them. (These were later written up by volunteers and sent to all the participants.) Finally, we joined in a large closing circle, and we sang Hine Mah Tov (a Jewish song of brother/sisterhood)… We left with hearts very full…

Lessons learned: --hold the intention; trust the people and the process – and they will rise to the occasion. We can step in to conflict and be respectful and experience healing and safety.

Some comments from participants:

"I feel more a part of the Jewish community and less scared of sharing my feelings with other Jews."

"Grateful to have been around a big group of Jews and felt that it was my
family. This is possibly a first for me. . ."

"Sadness, hope, warmth, respect, dignity, patience, connection, humility,
resonance, awe, courage, gratitude."

"I am leaving with a sense of relief, some love and slightly exhausted."